chrysalis moments…

Posted on April 26, 2012 by In Blue

treasures in an empty nest...

it’s simply a beautiful day for a blank page, a stark canvas, a new journal…

or an empty nest…

not so harsh, not so empty as it is full of possibility….

this is attunement, balance & possibly some shadow work…

to hold the tension of a moment, a fear, a dark potential for rejection…

to call up yourself to be what you are actually doing in this one moment….not picking & choosing…not glossing over….

we’re broken open…emptied…& free to color the page….leave the empty nest to be an empty nest…..

One of the more delicate gifts of soul that can come from the chrysalis is a refined attunement to the here-and-now….

Sue Monk Kidd

your empty nest may be the most beautiful place you’ve ever been…

reflecting on the waiting game…a deep sigh….

Posted on March 1, 2012 by In Blue

dreamy days...

reflecting on thoughts about the sweet spot…..that place of distance between the everyday momentum & a more subtle reverie….revealing in its undertones the waiting for the muse, dark nights, & idle brilliance….

I am quite fascinated by this because it beckons sometimes…the ‘being’ balanced with the ‘doing’…a tricky balance at best…I’m sure there’s an underlying fear there somewhere…

when we do ‘give in’ to ‘letting go’….such as….

the daydream, the peering out the window, or the fifteen minutes of lounge time…..

the faeries visit or,

we remember something important or,

a mini revelation happens or,

a problem gets solved or,

a nagging emotion is let go or,

important calls or cards to friends are remembered,

& most importantly for me….a creative jolt reenergizes me….

I’m sure you have your own list of ‘deep sigh places’…..

Suddenly I was aware of my soul standing in the dark, in the opaqueness of midlife, unable to do anything but wait. I wanted to pray, to form words & petitions, but there was only the eerie stillness of my heart. If we’re to wait, we must relearn the extravagance of grace…..Sue Monk Kidd

dance the tribal dance…

it’s a beautiful day…

Posted on January 28, 2012 by In Blue

big sky...big life...

the waiting of winter, of soul’s light…captured in this luminous poem…

Eye Mask…

In this dark I rest,

unready for the light which dawns

day after day,

eager to be shared.

Black silk, shelter me.

I need

more of the night before I open

eyes & heart

to illumination. I must still

grow in the dark like a root

not ready, not ready at all.

Denise Levertov

it’s a haunting day…..ethereal & moving…

…’soul making’ wrote philosopher Jean Houston, ‘is not necessarily a happy thing. Crucial parts of it are not. We need to hold onto the celebration of becoming, to the bliss that wells up from the deeper places we’re tapping…I stared into the night, my heart pounding…..Sue Monk Kidd

don’t forget…it’s a beautiful day…

wild winter….

Posted on January 23, 2012 by In Blue

wild & open

I have such a strange relationship with winter….complex….not so simple as love/hate….

but defintely ambiguous…..

love the deeper places I can go to hibernate & restore….

love the wild & open sky…..the raw & barren places which open new sensibilities….

love the white glare & the icy trees in sunlight….& wearing boots….

really dislike (hate the word hate ya know) being cold…..

really dislike being drowned in gray skies for long periods….

really dislike missing beach walks because it’s too cold….

dreams are more vivid in winter for me….I am astonished at how deeply I am drawn to the cold earth….such a mythical time of waiting…of cycles & sleep…

In Blue

———————————————————

I said to my soul, be still, & wait without hope

For hope would be hope for the wrong thing;

wait without love

For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith

But the faith & the love & the hope are all in the waiting. Wait without thought,

for you are not ready for thought:

So the darkness shall be the light, & the stillness the dancing.

Whisper of running streams, & winter lightning.

The wild thyme unseen & the wild strawberry,

The laughter in the garden, echoed ecstasy

Not lost, but requiring, pointing to the agony

Of death & birth.

T.S. Eliot

lookin’ for adventure….

the sweetness of lemons & laying low…

Posted on December 27, 2011 by In Blue

the sweetness of lemons...

cooking, lemons, french moods & the beauty of hibernating at home….

yes, I am laying low, finding the sweet spots in post busy days…

I am also struggling with an autobiography I’m writing as part of my application process for grad school. Funny thing is, I thought it would practically write itself. Not so. The brick wall has hit. The empty page. I am waiting…..maybe my life will somehow come together in neat & tidy paragraphs, chronological, witty & profound….yes, guess I’ll keep waiting awhile for all of that to appear….will be exciting to see what comes up…

in the mean time, I am ‘domesticating’ a bit…being in the quiet & the blue & the cold…

the autobiography is stuck because I am stuck….cooking & lemons & watching the birds have to help….waiting for the truth on the page…

when grapes turn to wine, they long for our ability to change. when stars wheel around the north pole, they are longing for our growing consciousness. wine got drunk with us, not the other way…….Rumi

shifting seasons of light & love

Posted on December 21, 2011 by In Blue

gateways to change...

sleep really well tonight….remember your dreams….know your life….

hug your cat, your buddy, your soulmate…..

be in your jammies….don’t worry about what your secret life is up to for awhile…

watch the light….sit in the sun going down…

the eve of solstice calls us to our curled up places….

think about the stillness, then the sound, & then the perception that follows….direct pointing & intimate words are devices that awaken that which is already there…John Daido Loori

surrender to dark…..hold your secret life…hold the chaos close…

silently & serenely one forgets all words…clearly & vividly, it apprears before you…when one realizes it, it is vast & without edges…..Hongzhi Zhengjue

bake cookies…drink tea…be warm…find the moon & sit with your secrets….

waiting for light, space & the pause in between…

Posted on December 20, 2011 by In Blue

winter bird.....

ensconced in winter solstice…..

so deeply quiet….waiting….the beauteous kind….not for any one thing….

just waiting…

noticing….

watching the birds….

as Christmas swirls around….I find a gentler space in the cold haze of winter light…

mystery, or yugen, is the seed of discovery…it sets in motion the basic questions of our existence…it invites us to peek around the next corner, into the darkness…John Daido Loori

even when I’m ‘too busy’ to create, I’m creating in this space…

every art has its mystery, its spiritual rhythm….D.T. Suzuki

cocooned in the questions…..allowing….myself….to pause in between…

allowing…the birds….to fly…..

where to sit when you need to wait?

Posted on December 8, 2011 by In Blue

where to sit?

In ‘The Untethered Soul,’ Michael Singer lays all spiritual growth & inquiry on the line….it’s so out there, so intense, I have to remind myself to breathe.

You will get to a point in your spiritual growth where you understand that if you protect yourself, you will never be free. It’s that simple. If you protect yourself perfectly, you will never grow. All your habits & idiosyncrasies will stay the same. Living like this allows for very little spontaneous joy, enthusiasm, & excitement for life. Most people just go from day to day protecting themselves & making sure nothing goes too wrong. The longer you live like this, the more closed you become.

Soul work…..

I am completing a course in soulwork….a wonderful online workshop with Madelyn Mulvaney’s Persisting Souls Photography course….

I mentioned it before, but wow….it has been so engaging & honest. Shifting your lens outward or inward always yields results….mostly with unexpected revelations.

If you want permanent peace, permanent joy, & permanent happinesss, you have to get through to the other side of the inner turmoil. You can experience a life in which waves of love can rush up inside of you any time you want. You just decide, once & for all, to take the journey by constantly letting go. Your only way out is the witness. You will become filled with light. To live spiritually is to not participate in the struggle…………Michael Singer

Loved the gentle tuggings to remember…..to sit where you are & wait……to be in it……

soulwork...

courage & prayer

Posted on December 7, 2011 by In Blue

down the path, the hole, the drain

What can I say, but I’m working on it……

this is the lead in to one of many fantastic cards by pondering pool….

this one in particular being one of my favorite cards ever….

Stepping back & looking into one’s own life shows all the nooks & crannies….it’s wonderfully satisfying to see the journey. In this hustle & bustle of seemingly disparate parts this month (Christmas mixed with art projects) I am pleased to note the fine texture of life lived fully. I am filled with gratitude.

At the same time, I see clearly where I am ‘working on it’…..finely tuning & gesturing toward a little more light here… a little less busyness there….Once again, I am filled with gratitude. For this insight. For this knowing. For prayers to keep moving. For allowing it all to unfold.

…..Another ‘rule’ of life is the notion that we must make life happen rather than simply let life happen. Waiting is the in-between time. It calls us to be in this moment, this season, without leaning so far into the future that we tear our roots from the present. When we learn to wait, we experience where we are as what is truly substantial & precious in life. We discover, as T.S. Eliot wrote, “a lifetime burning in every moment.”…Sue Monk Kidd……….When the Heart Waits

Enjoy it all… the paradox between working & waiting…..

Detachment as Spiritual Order or Fortune Telling

Posted on November 27, 2011 by In Blue

to open or close

St. Teresa of Avila once compared the soul to a silkworm. She wrote,

It is necessary for the silkworm to die. Let’s be quick to do this work & weave this little cocoon……Let it die; let this silkworm die, as it does in completing what it was created to do…A little white butterfly comes forth. Oh, greatness of God!….Truly I tell you that the soul doesn’t recongnize itself.

Like letting balloons go….or caving in……

They are the same in their paradox of ‘die to become.’

And what about the waiting? Sue Monk Kidd writes…

How do we create the threads that hold us in the painful, uncertain, solitary darkness of waiting…and hold us not only in the waiting but through the waiting? If we’re to wait, we must relearn the extravagance of grace.

Waiting for what? Inspiration? Holy divination? More time?

This little tininess, this choking, this uncertainty is………..probably not real.

Maybe I’ll dust off my wings while I wait…maybe I’ll get my fortune read.

The artist need not know very much; best of all let him work instinctively & paint as naturally as he breathes or walks…….Emil Nolde

Will continue to sit in the doorway……letting balloons go one at a time….watching the sky as they get smaller & smaller….creating all the while…… considering my fortune…..waiting…..