the wispy haze reflects our best intentions

The conceit of self (mana in Pali) is said to be the last of the great obstacles to full awakening. Conceit is an ingenious creature, at times masquerading as humility, empathy, or virtue. Conceit manifests in the feelings of being better than, worse than, & equal to another. Within these three dimensions of conceit are held the whole tormented world of comparing, evaluating, & judging that afflicts our hearts. Jealousy, resentment, fear, & low self-esteem spring from this deeply embedded pattern. Conceit perpetuates the dualities of ‘self’ and ‘other’—the schisms that are the root of the enormous alienation & suffering in our world. Our commitment to awakening asks us to honestly explore the ways in which conceit manifests in our lives & to find the way to its end. The cessation of conceit allows the fruition of empathy, kindness, compassion, & awakening. The Buddha taught that ‘one who has truly penetrated this threefold conceit of superiority, inferiority, & equality is said to have put an end to suffering.’ Conceit manifests in the ways we contract around a sense of ‘self” & ‘other;’ it lies at the core of the identities & beliefs we construct, & it enables those beliefs to be the source of our acts, words, thoughts, & relationships. Superiority conceit is the belief in being better or worthier than another. It is a kind of conceit that builds itself upon our appearance, body, mind, intelligence, attainments, stature, & achievements. Inferiority conceit is more familiar territory than superiority conceit for many of us, probably because a chronic sense of unworthiness is so endemic in our culture. The torment of feeling worse than others & not good enough is the daily diet of inferiority conceit. Inferiority conceit gathers in the same places as superiority conceit—the body, mind, & appearance, as well as in the long list of mistakes we have made throughout our lives. Inferiority conceit is fertile in its production of envy, resentment, judgment, & blame, which go round & round in a vicious circle of storytelling, serving only to solidify our belief in an imperfect self……Christina Feldman

stunned by these humble lessons, we come face to face with our genuine selves…cultivating fearlessness & a new simpliicity to our sacred days….can we lift our burdens? the pain we carry in our hard-won, yet inflated truths serves nothing but a sneaky spiritual insult to the gentle soul…..

Seeing the suffering of superiority & inferiority conceit, we might be tempted to think that equality conceit is the middle path; however, a closer look shows us that it is more a conceit of mediocrity & minimal expectations. Equality conceit is when we tell ourselves that we all share in the same delusion, self-centeredness, & greed, that we all swim in the same cesspool of suffering. Sameness can seem both comforting & reassuring. Thinking that others are also struggling on the path can make us feel relieved of the responsibility to hold aspirations that ask for effort & commitment. The offspring of equality conceit can be a terminal sense of disappointment, resignation, & cynicism. All forms of conceit give rise to the endless thoughts & storytelling that solidify the beliefs we hold about ourselves & others. The clues lie in our judgments & comparisons, the views we construct about ourselves & others. Suffering, evaluating, envy, & fear are all signals asking us to pause & listen more deeply. We learn to bow to those moments, knowing they are moments when we can either solidify conceit or liberate it. Instead of feeding the story, we can nurture our capacities for mindfulness, restraint, & letting go. Instead of volunteering for suffering, we may be able to volunteer for freedom. It is not an easy undertaking, yet each moment that we are present & compassionate in the process of conceit building is a moment of learning to bow & take a step on the path of freedom. Life is a powerful ally because it offers us the opportunities to let go of the conceit of self. Sometimes there is simply no more that ‘I’ can do. When we face the limitations of our power & control, all we can skillfully do is bow to that moment. The conceit of self is challenged & eroded not only by the circumstances of our lives but also by our willingness to meet those circumstances with grace rather than with fear……Christina Feldman (continued)

there is relief here in naming an insidious destroyer of dignity…the perpetuator of our creepiest fears & wretched worries….when there is no answer, a new layer of compassion seems to be the answer (not to be confused with sympathy, pity or resignation)…..

A teacher was asked, ‘What is the secret to your happiness & equanimity?’ She answered, ‘A whole-hearted, unrestricted cooperation with the unavoidable.’ This is the secret & the essence of a bow. It is the heart of mindfulness & compassion. To bow is to no longer hold ourselves apart from the unpredictable nature of all of our lives; it is to cultivate a heart that can unconditionally welcome all things. We bow to what is, to all of life. By liberating our minds from ideas of ‘better than,’ ‘worse than,’ or ‘the same as,’ we liberate ourselves from all views of ‘self’ & ‘other.’ The bow is a way to the end of suffering, to an awakened heart…..Christina Feldman (continued)

may we bow to emotional intelligence….

The last temptation is the greatest treason:

to do the right deed for the wrong reason.

….T.S. Eliot