“I’ve been meditating for quite a while, but so far I haven’t experienced much of that calm and well-being people talk about. Mostly I just experience my own discursiveness and discomfort. Am I ever going to feel good when I meditate?” Not if you keep trying to. That’s not facetious. When you’re instructed to rest in things just as they are- including how you feel- that’s not just Buddhist stoicism. Goals like feeling good cause struggle, and struggle is painful. In fact, one definition of nirvana is the cessation of all struggle, also known as peace. So not struggling to feel good- or any other way, for that matter- might be the key to feeling good. (Of course you can’t try not to struggle, because, yes, that’s just another form of struggling.) The catch is that struggling is entertaining, even if it’s painful, and nothing threatens ego like boredom. that’s why Chogyam Trungpa described meditation as a state of “cool boredom” in which we stop struggling and experience our basic nature. (Spoiler alert: that feels good.)  ~lions roar mag

no time….this can be revealing, exhausting, or something like total relief…..

inquiry for today~   this state of struggle that seems so insidious…yes, you know don’t you?…..it’s so ok…..don’t fight……that’s the struggle, yes?

looking out

O Endless Creator, Force of Life, Seat of the Unconscious,

Dharma, Atman, Ra, Qalb, Dear Center of our Love,

Christlight, Yaweh, Allah, Mawu,

Mother of the Universe…

Let us, when swimming with the stream,

become the stream.

Let us, when moving with the music,

become the music.

Let us, when rocking the wounded,

become the suffering.

Let us live deep enough

till there is only one direction,

and slow enough till there is only

the beginning of time,

and loud enough in our hearts

till there is no need to speak.

Let us live for the grace beneath all we want,

let us see it in everything and everyone,

till we admit to the mystery

that when I look deep enough into you,

I find me, and when you dare to hear my fear

in the recess of your heart, you recognize it

as your secret which you thought

no one else knew.

O let us embrace

that unexpected moment of unity

as the atom of God.

Let us have the courage

to hold each other when we break

and worship what unfolds…

O nameless spirit that is not done with us,

let us love without a net

beyond the fear of death

until the speck of peace

we guard so well

becomes the world.

~Mark Nepo