They swim laps around my brain.
Incessant. Powerful. Irrational.
Too fast, too much.
Some stab, trying to leave scars.
Cruel and condemning, they curl up in my consciousness.
Questioning, assuming, keeping my empty stomach company.
The whys are particularly vicious.
Tenacious. Insistent. Futile. Exhausting.
A spoiled child throwing a tantrum,
demanding an answer that doesn’t exist.
Piranhas feasting on regret and betrayal.
The if-onlys prefer taunting.
The seductive bully.
Dragging me through their desert of despair
under the pretense of possibility.
Mocking expectancy while ridiculing reality.
It is so dark inside my head. I can’t see.
I pretend, I speak, I look, I live, always wrestling those words.
One foot on their throat, but begging for their mercy.
The what-ifs are a motley crew of pirates and poets,
clumsily encouraging vengeance and advocating escape,
but rallying for truth and defying defeat.
Lost, but searching.
Brilliant, but bruised.
The maybes tiptoe in, timid, speculative.
Wondering, doubting, but trying.
A dusty ray of light peeking under the closed door.
Humble. Hopeful. Maybe.
The what-nows are next.
Gentle and devoted and steady.
They slow things down.
They soothe and I breathe.
And I listen
Until I can see again.
Naked trees standing proud against coral skies,
and grey sidewalks ripe with cracks.
Green eyes and feisty ocean waves.
Champagne swigs and wide-open windows.
Postcards from Paris and freckles of paint.
The reliable creak of a front porch swing and miles to go.
I see. And I know.
So many beautiful words.
it’s time to rethink the morning call to be happy…
inquiry for today~ resist all need to be down…..
At night my mind does not much care
if what it thinks is here or there.
It tells me stories it invents
And makes up things that don’t make sense.
I don’t know why it does this stuff.
The real world seems quite weird enough.