The worst type of crying wasn’t the kind everyone could see-  the wailing on street corners, the tearing at clothes. No, the worst kind happened when your soul wept and no matter what you did, there was no way to comfort it. A section withered and became a scar on the part of your soul that survived. For people like me-  our souls contained more scar tissue than life……. Katie McGarry

in our grief, we don’t seize answers…..we can’t get that far….for so long, we simply feel mesmerized by the rawness laid bare….there doesn’t seem to be a way to gently cover the wounds……breathe this life, breathe this gaping hole…….

There are many lists of trite advice you can read about grief, but they will only add to your confusion about why you can’t seem to sync your feelings with the grief map sanctioned by your culture.

This map is supposed to tell you what is normal, but that map was not made for you. It was made to keep the engine of our cultural machine running. It requires your numbness. Refuse, my friend. Refuse with all your might to be numb. have no trite advice for you. I have nothing prolific to say. I’m not going to tell you to get therapy or accept how life has changed. I offer you this in the spirit of “you-are-not-aloneness” and “there-is-no-scheduledom.” It isn’t true that you have to get over it. It isn’t even true that you have to want to. No one else can understand what you have lost. No one else can bear the burden of your tribute to a love, to a life, to an identity now gone. What a privilege it is to feel deeply……Alison Nappi

to grieve with grace

Dont run away from grief , o soul
Look for the remedy inside the pain,
because the rose came from the thorn,
and the ruby came from a stone.

…..Rumi